Babysitting: Ronan Lynch Style
by William Kayspear
Summary: It was gloomy and bleak outside; a perfect day for the Pig to break down. Warning, spoilers. Don't read until you've read (and finished) book one. Another warning: Strong language. Apologies for any typos or grammatical errors. Read and enjoy!


The Pig coughed. And wheezed. And coughed again. Gansey banged his head against the steering wheel as he started to slow down.

"Come on," Gansey said pleadingly to his car, "only a few more miles until we get to the family home."

The Pig coughed again. Then it gave up its efforts and stopped. Gansey was three miles away from the nearest gas station. He got out of the car and pulled up the hood of the car. Smoke rose up. He pulled out his phone and called Adam.

" _Sorry I'm not available to answer the phone at this time…."_ Gansey hung up. What's the point of Adam having a phone if he didn't answer? He tried a few more times. No luck.

"Urgh where is Adam when you need him?!" He dialed Monmouth's number. He didn't think Ronan could get him, but there was chance that Noah could. The phone rang a few times before someone answered.

" _Hello?_ "

"Hello? Oh, Jane! What are you doing at Monmouth? Never mind that, I have a problem."

" _Gansey? What's wrong?_ " Blue asked. He heard the concern in her voice and was touched.

"I'm fine," he assured her. "The Pig broke down and I need help… Can you come and get me?"

On the other side Blue sighed. He could tell she was frowning.

"Please? Adam isn't answering the phone and Ronan sprained his ankle in a dream!"

" _Fine. I'm coming,_ " her voice became muted, as if she covered the phone with her hand. "Ronan, the pig broke down I have to go and get Gansey!" She said. He heard Ronan yell back.

" _TAKE THIS SHIT WITH YOU_!" Ronan yelled back.

" _Watch your mouth! She's only six! And I can't take her with me; she hates car rides. They make her sick_."

" _TAKE HER ANYWAYS_."

" _Dammit Ronan stop being difficult."_

" _DON'T FUCKING SWEAR_!"

Gansey shook his head.

" _Hello?"_

"If it's too much I'd be happy to call my sister," he said. He really didn't want to call his sister. Blue sighed.

" _I'm coming. Just wait."_

Gansey grinned, "Thanks Jane!"

She hung up. He closed the hood of the car and went back in. All he had to do was wait.

He grabbed a water bottle from the back seat.

Waiting...

He stopped, after he broke the seal.

He didn't tell Blue where he was. He picked up his phone to call again, but he couldn't; his phone was dead. He groaned.

…

 _ **Five minutes earlier…**_

"I'm going to Monmouth," Blue said to her mother. (Mothers name) glanced up from her newspaper and took a sip from her mug. She shrugged.

"Sure, but take your cousin. She needs to get out the house," her mother said. Blue looked towards the living room where her cousin, Kieran, sat glued to the television. She started to protest but her mother gave her a look that said "Don't".

"Fine." Blue said before walking out of the kitchen.

"Come on Kieran we're going somewhere," she said to her cousin. Kieran looked up from her program.

"Really? Where? Can we walk there? I don't like cars," Kieran said. Blue sighed and nodded.

"Yes we're walking."

Kieran had a thing with cars; she hated them. She could ride in trains, airplanes, jets, buses, just not cars. She wasn't claustrophobic, but riding in the, made her sick.

"Okay!" She exclaimed jumping up. She grabbed her coat and raced out of the house, Blue followed after.

It took them longer to get to Monmouth than it would have if they'd ridden there, and the closer they got, the more anxious Blue felt. She need to tell Kieran, warn her, about where they were going. The Monmouth was a little whelming at first, especially with Gansey's books and papers and models everywhere.

"Now listen Kieran, my friend Gansey-"

"-Is he your boyfriend?!"

Blue frowned, "No, friend. Anyways, he lives here with his friends-"

"Is your boyfriend one of his friends?" Kieran asked. Blue shook her head.

"No-"

"Who is your boyfri-"

"I don't have a boyfriend," Blue exclaimed, "Just behave and don't touch anything. Okay?" Kieran grinned, which did little to ease Blue. She let it slide though. They went in.

"Hello?" Blue called. She gestured to Kieran and they ventured forward.

"This place is old," Kieran awed, looking around. Blue nodded. They went upstairs. Laying on the couch was a sleeping Ronan. Kieran's eyes grew wide. She pointed to Ronan.

"Is _he_ your boyfriend?" Blue glared down at her six year old cousin.

 _What part of "No boyfriend" does she not understand?!_ Blue thought.

"No?" Kieran asked, responding to Blue's expression. "Good 'cause I call him." Then she skipped over to Ronan. Before Blue could stop her, she jumped on top of Ronan. He woke up with a start. He glared at the little girl sitting on his stomach.

"Get off me, you little shit," he said. Kieran looked at him and started to laugh. Blue frowned at Ronan's word choice, but didn't get the chance to scold him, because the phone rang. Blue looked at Ronan. He looked back.

"Aren't you going to answer it?" she asked him. He frowned at her (well his frown deepened, seeing how this was Ronan who was always frowning. Except when he's up to something).

"You answer it."

He wasn't going to get up, Blue knew, and there was no point in arguing or refusing. She sighed and located the phone on Gansey's desk, sitting on a stack of papers.

"Hello?" She said.

"" _Hello? Oh, Jane! What are you doing at Monmouth? Never mind that, I have a problem."_

"Gansey? What's wrong?" she said.

" _I'm fine_ ," he said her. " _The Pig broke down and I need help… Can you come and get me_?"

Blue frowned and sighed..

" _Please? Adam isn't answering the phone and Ronan sprained his ankle in a dream!_ "

"Fine. I'm coming," She said she looked to Ronan who was still being sat on by Kieran. She took the phone away from her mouth.

"Ronan the Pig broke down and I have to get Gansey!" She said. Across the room Ronan shrugged his shoulders.

"Is that her boyfriend?" Kieran asked Ronan. He looked at her and nodded.

"They always do it," he said. Kieran cocked her head to the side.

"It?"

Ronan nodded, "Ask your mother about it."

He turned his head to Blue

"Take this little shit with you!" Ronan called.

"Watch your mouth! She's only six! And I can't take her with me; she hates car rides. They make her sick." She shook her head.

"Take her anyways."

"Dammit Ronan stop being difficult!"

"Don't fucking swear," he said.

Blue glared at him.

"Hello?" She said turning her attention back to Gansey.

" _If it's too much I'd be happy to call my sister_ ," he said. She could tell he really didn't want to call his sister. Blue sighed.

"I'm coming. Just wait."

" _Thanks Jane_!"

She hung up.

"I'll be back," she said to Ronan. She didn't want to leave Kieran alone with Ronan, but what could she do? She sagged her shoulders. Ronan had siblings, so he couldn't be that bad with kids. Plus Noah was there (she hoped) and he wouldn't let anything major happen (she hoped).

She left.

…

"So, what's your name?" Kieran asked. Ronan glared at her.

"I'm Kieran and I'm six," she held up ten fingers. Ronan put four of her fingers down.

"I don't care about your name. Get off me little shit," he said. Kieran pouted.

"Not 'till you tell me your name," she said stubbornly. Ronan glared at her.

"Ronan." He (gently) shoved her off to the side. He sat up leaning against the couch arm.

"Here's the deal. Whatsherface is gone. Okay? Leave me alone until she comes back. When she comes back you leave." he said. He laid back down and closed his eyes. Kieran got up off the floor and jumped on him again. He let out an "umph".

"Didn't I say leave me alone?" He snapped. Kieran nodded.

"Then what do you want?" He looked up at the ceiling as if the answer was up there before grinning and looking back down at Ronan.

"Are you Irish? 'Cause your name is. But don't worry mine is too. We could be name buddies! But I'm not Irish. I'm 'Merican. Are you 'Merican or Irish?" She said. Ronan glared at the little girl who sat on his stomach. She was giving him a headache. He pushed her off of him and closed his eyes again. Kieran landed on her butt with a loud thump.

"That was mean!" She exclaimed. She jumped on him again. Ronan opened his eyes and glared at her.

"What do you not understand about get off? Stupid little shit," he said. Kieran cocked her head to the side.

"You keep saying shit. What does it mean?" She asked him. He rolled his eyes.

"It's the stuff that comes out of your ass."

"What's an ass?"

Ronan's frown lessened.

"It's your butt," he said. Kieran made an "ew" face before she started laughing. Ronan rolled his eyes.

"Now get your ass off of me so I can sleep." Kieran nodded and slid off of Ronan. She sat on the floor and thought about shit. Then it hit her. If shit came out of an ass and an ass was a butt…

"EWWWWWWWWWWWW," She squealed. Ronan almost opened his eyes, but decided against it. She probably saw a roach. He did, however, open his eyes when she jumped on him.

"What?!" He snapped.

"Is shit poop?" The corners of Ronan's mouth threatened to turn themselves up. He pushed her off of him.

"Yes. Now leave me alone," he said closing his eyes. Kieran shrugged her shoulders.

"Is he always like this?" Kieran asked. Ronan opened an eye. Kieran sat on the floor looking to her right. She giggled.

"I'm Keiran. Who are you?" She asked. She then nodded. Ronan shook his head and closed his eyes. That girl was a wack job.

"Okay see ya!" She she said. She looked around the big messy room. There were nicknacks and papers and books everywhere. It was all so interesting, more interesting than the currently napping Ronan. She really wanted to play with some of the stuff, but Blue had to her not to.

"Aw ass! That's shit!" She said. Ronan started to laugh. Kieran looked at him. He looked back at her.

"Don't fucking swear," he said. He closed his eyes again.

"What the ass is fuck?" She muttered to herself. She shrugged it off.

After a while of sitting her belly growled. She looked at Ronan. She debated whether or not to jump on him. She went with jumping on him. He sighed and slowly opened his eyes.

"We're making this a habit, aren't we?" Ronan asked. Kieran shrugged; she had no idea what Ronan was saying.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I'm hungry," she replied.

"I don't care."

There was a laugh and both Kieran and Ronan watched as Noah appeared out of nowhere.

Ronan looked at the little girl waiting for her to scream or freak out, but she didn't; she waved at Noah.

 _Yeah. Definitely a wackjob_ , Ronan thought.

"What do you want, Noah?" Ronan asked. Noah shrugged. He gave Kieran a smile then left to his room.

"I'm hungry."

"Too bad."

"BUT RONAN!" She cried. She jumped up a little and landed on Ronan chest. He glared at her and sat up. She slid down to his lap.

He pointed to a mini fridge in a corner of the room.

"You can have whatever is in there," he said. Kieran grinned and rolled to the floor. She ran to the fridge and opened it.

"There's nothing but old green bread, cheese, a bitten peach, and ketchup!" She whined. Ronan rolled his eyes.

"Is the cheese green?" Ronan asked. Kieran looked at the block of cheese then shook her head.

"Nope." She told him.

"Then eat it." She shrugged her shoulders and grabbed the cheese. She then ran back to Ronan and jumped on him. This time he didn't open his eyes. Kieran sat on him and munch on the cheese.

"I think he's trying to starve me," She said. Ronan opened his eyes and looked around. No one was there.

"Yeah. He's assing me!" She exclaimed. Ronan rolled his eyes.

"Wackjob," he muttered before closing his eyes.

"RONAN" Someone roared from downstairs. Ronan sighed and sat up.

"RONAN!" Delcan, Ronan's older brother came storming in.

"Where the hell are you?!" He exclaimed. He then spotted Ronan, Kieran sitting on him.

"I knew you were a low bastard, but this young? Really?" Declan said snidely. Ronan snorted.

"I'll bet you've slept with younger. You don't like this one because she's not blonde." Declan balled his fist. Ronan pushed Kieran off of his lap. He stood up. He leaned heavily on his left side. Declan looked down and noticed the wrappings around Ronan's right ankle. He barked out a short, sarcastic laugh.

"The hell happen to you huh?" He asked. Ronan glared at him. Gansey had asked Ronan that earlier. He told him he hurt himself in a nightmare. He actually fell down the stairs. But he wasn't going to tell that to Gansey, much less Declan.

"Nothing." Declan laughed some more. Kieran hopped off her spot on the couch and marched up to Declan. She had to tilt her head up to glare into Declan's eyes.

"Leave Ronan alone you ass head!" She said. Declan's eyes widen and he looked at Ronan.

"You taught her how to curse?"

Ronan smirked and shrugged his shoulders.

"What can I say? She's a fast learner," he said. Delcan shook his head.

"Really Ronan how stupid can you be? Who is this girl anyways?" He ask.

"I'm Kieran and Ronan is my little seal. Leave him alone or I'll kick you!" She said. She grabbed Ronan's hand. He didn't take it away.

"Listen here sweetheart this has nothi- OW! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" Declan exclaimed. Kieran had kicked him in the shins as hard as she could.

"I said leave him alone!" She said. Delcan reached and picked Kieran up. Ronan snatched her from him.

"Don't touch her. Ever," Ronan growled. He placed Kieran on the floor and she hid behind him, glaring at Declan.

"CRAWWWWWW," came a screech. Kieran startled, and Declan screamed, ducking as a raven swoop into the room diving straight at him. Noah came into the room also, coming from out his room. He walked straight to Declan.

"You need to leave," he said, wrapping a hand around Declan arm. Delan immediately snatched his arm back.

"Why are your hands so cold?!" He exclaimed. Noah shook his head and pointed to the exist.

"Leave. Now."

Declan glared at Noah, then Kieran, then Ronan, and then to the rave who sat on Ronan's shoulder. He spun on his heels and left. Noah also disappeared.

"Who was the shit face? Ass him! He was mean!" She said, crossing her arms. Ronan chuckled and limped back to the couch. Kieran ran after him. He laid down and she jumped on him. He closed his eyes.

"Hey little seal," Kieran said.

"Don't call me that little shit."

"Hey Ronan?"

"What?"

"Can you read me a story?" She asked. Ronan opened his eyes.

"What story?" He said. Kieran jumped up and ran across the room to grab a book. She brought it back. Ronan read the title.

"Alice In Wonderland. Where'd you find that?" He asked. Kieran pointed in a random direction. She jumped back on Ronan chest. He closed his eyes back.

"I'm not reading it." He said.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

Ronan opened his eyes and sat up and took the book from her. It was thin; 75 pages at the most.

"Fine. But afterwards you leave me the hell alone."

"Okay. But what's hell?" She asked.

"The place you go when you're bad." He replied. Kieran looked worried.

"Am I going to hell?"

Ronan raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

"You're too good." He said. She nodded.

"Come on. Lets get this over with." He sat back, propping himself on the arm of the couch. Kieran sat back and leaned on his chest.

"Once upon a time…"

"Wait!" Kieran exclaimed, sitting up. Ronan sighed.

"What?"

She pointed to the raven who sat on Ronan's head.

"What's that?" She asked.

"She's Chainsaw."

"Where'd you get her from?"

"My dreams," he said.

"That must've been a nice dream."

Ronan didn't respond, and started reading to her. He wasn't even thirty pages in before she started drifting off to sleep. Ronan closed the book.

"Ronan?"

"What?" He asked. He thought she was asleep, but apparently not.

"Am I your girlfriend? My friend's boyfriend gives her crackers and read her the Cat In The Hat. You gave me cheese and you're reading to me."

Ronan sat quiet for a moment then nodded.

"Sure. Whatever. You're my girlfriend. Now shut up."

"Are you going to finish the book?" She asked. He nodded, "yeah sure."

Ronan picked up where he left off.

…

 _ **Two hour later…**_

"Well you should've told me where you were!" Blue exclaimed as she climbed the steps of Monmouth with Gansey.

"Jane. I told you before; I forgot."

Blue shook her head, "You could've called back!"

Gansey sighed, "Jane I told you…" He stopped when he got to the top of the stairs. In front of him was the weirdest thing. Blue, not noticing he stopped, ran into Gansey.

"Hey! What gives?!" She looked past him and gasp.

On the couched laid a sleeping Ronan with Kieran on top of him. She was sleeping too. Chainsaw sat on Ronan head. She also looked like she was sleeping.

"What the hell," Blue said. Gansey gave her a look.

"No cursing!" He said. He walked over his bed and took his covers off of it. He went to the bed and tossed it over their sleeping forms. Gansey noticed a stack of books on the floor beside them and picked one up.

"Alice In Wonderland? How did this get over here? It was on the other side of the room last time I checked…" Other books included Peter Pan and Pinocchio. He looked at Ronan. Ronan opened his eyes.

"Tell no one. No. One," he said. Gansey chuckled. Ronan looked at Blue.

"Hey whatsyourface," he said, "this little shit is crazy. Talks to herself and everything."

Blue gave him a questioning look. Then she realized she hadn't told him Kieran could see and talk to ghost. Kieran opened her eyes and looked back at Ronan.

"I'm not crazy you shit face," Kieran said, "keep callin' me that and you'll go to hell." She closed her eyes back. Blue and Gansey stared at her, flabbergasted. Ronan laughed. He closed his eyes back and went back to his much desired sleep.

 _ **The End**_


End file.
